Thursday, October 27, 2011

Soaking in a tepid pool of my own anger...

I'm angry a lot lately.  I'm trying not to be...but as I get older, I get more patience for my kids and less patience for the world around me.

It seems I am constantly dealing with stupid people. Stupid is a really strong word, isn't it? Tomorrow I will be sorry that I said that, so I will take a second to think of a word that would be more appropriate:  hmm...let's go with selfish. Selfish people at work: people who are mean to me and mean to the doctors, the same doctors that stay after closing and don't go home to their families because they need to deal with these petty jerks. The same people I have to be nice to the next time they call to make an appointment. Selfish people who lie to me about my child's education when it's all about money and the educator's place in the system...the selfish people my husband deals with during the day and tells me about when he comes home at night. After he bends over backwards to help someone, the next claim he deals with is some asshole who thinks he won the insurance lottery when hail hit his house and will not take no for an answer. Because he didn't have coverage in the first place, but "that's what insurance is for!". And then when everyone has to pay more for next year's policies because of the multitude of these jerks in the world, my husband will  take the brunt of the anger.

How on earth am I supposed to raise thoughtful, respectful people when the world is filled with selfish people? It's like the zombie plague: if you're not careful, you'll get bit by one of them and turn into a selfish ass just like they are. Every night at the dinner table, the kids regale us with stories of their day, stories of how awful the kids in this world are to each other and I have to remind my kids to see the good points in these rotten brats. The next day, one of those rotten brats does something stupid and the conversations start all over again.

Is it just because I'm getting old? Is my ability to give a shit withering away over time? 

I wish I could stop thinking about it and just be as selfish as everyone else.

I'm going to go clean something...get my mind off this crap.

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