Ok, BEST STORY EVER!!!

Edit: source of story removed because I answered the phone after she read this. Darnit, I knew I shouldn't have answered the phone!

"Mrs. J., my old neighbour, had a baby on the bathroom floor. She just thought she had to go and when she sat down the baby fell out. But it took her husband a while to cut the cord, because it was his day off, so he wasn't wearing his leg...he had to go look for it...and then he found the scissors to cut the cord...and after he cut the cord, then he called the ambulance. That man hated the Germans because he fought in the war, and that's how he lost his leg. Mrs. J. really watched her weight...all she ate was jello and all she drank was black coffee as soon as she put on a bit of weight."

ROFL...Mrs. J had 9 children in a tiny WWII 3 bedroom house.

I could also tell you about the phone conversations that I overhear...how this one lady I know and her friends talk about who is dead and who is still alive...and how a lot of her friends are in denial that they are hard-of-hearing so they won't wear a hearing aid, so the phone conversations are like this:

"No, he's dead but she's still alive. No...I SAID HE'S DEAD! DEAD! NO, SHE'S STILL ALIVE!...WHAT???"

LOL...*sigh*...I'm really gonna hear it in the morning lol. I just won't answer my phone lol.